Start your journey towards good emotional and mental health today. Call (858) 228-7701 or click Contact Dr. Sage for a Free, No-Risk Telephone Consultation.
Is anxiety or stress affecting your confidence?
Fear is a normal, human emotion. We are naturally afraid of situations that will harm us or the people we care about. In fact, fear is a good thing. It gives us insight about the things we care about and changes in the environment.
Fear also provides us with motivation. The changes in our body associated with fear causes us become more alert and attentive to whats happening around us. Our muscles tense and our body becomes quick to react because we expect something important is going to happen.
Fear also communicates that something is wrong to our loved ones. If they see that we are afraid, then then can help and provide protection from the danger.
In fact, feeling afraid or stressed is often a good sign that we are living our lives fully - confronting new challenges, making mistakes, learning from our mistakes, growing as a person, and taking on new roles and responsibilities.
Although this can be hard, it is also an important part of living our lives to the fullest extent and developing our confidence to try new things and solve real problems. This kind of stress is called eustress (pronounced you-stress, literally meaning good-stress).
Sometimes, stress doesn't feel like stress is a good thing. We feel overwhelmed with life's demands. We feel ill-equipped to deal with new situations and believe that things will never get better. We worry that we will fail and thus, we feel like we are failures.
You might notice lots of 'what if' statements. What if ... I don't do well on the test? What if ... I can't pay my bills? What if ... the person I am attracted to rejects me? This kind of stress is called distress (pronounced dis-stress, literally meaning bad-stress). Its the kind of stress that feels harmful and takes away from our lives.
Although this can be hard, it is also an important part of living our lives to the fullest extent and developing our confidence to try new things and solve real problems. This kind of stress is called eustress (pronounced you-stress, literally meaning good-stress).
Sometimes, stress doesn't feel like stress is a good thing. We feel overwhelmed with life's demands. We feel ill-equipped to deal with new situations and believe that things will never get better. We worry that we will fail and thus, we feel like we are failures.
You might notice lots of 'what if' statements. What if ... I don't do well on the test? What if ... I can't pay my bills? What if ... the person I am attracted to rejects me? This kind of stress is called distress (pronounced dis-stress, literally meaning bad-stress). Its the kind of stress that feels harmful and takes away from our lives.
What differentiates good stress and bad stress? Our perspective.
It may sound strange at first but take a minute to think about it. Do you remember doing something that made you feel accomplished?
- Do you remember learning how to ride a bike for the first time?
- Do you remember your first behind-the-wheel driving test?
- Do you remember your first time interviewing for your a job?
- Have you ever asked someone out on a first date?
How did you feel before, during, and after these situations? Did these situations make you feel capable and motivated to try new challenges? Or did you feel defeated and scared to keep trying? Has there ever been a time you were surprised by the outcome? Maybe you did better than you expected on a test? What if you didn't succeed with these examples? What if you failed a driving test or didn't do so well on the interview? What did you tell yourself afterwards?
It's not the outcome, but rather our perspective about the outcome that matters
If you look at your successes as attributed to chance or good luck, then you won't believe that your hard work was the reason for your accomplishments. If you look at your mistakes as proof that things will never work out, then you are less likely to try again and again until you succeed. If you believe that your mistakes are signs that you are a failure, then you will probably feel like every future mistake is another indication that something is wrong with you or your life. Negative beliefs can perpetuate more negative beliefs, and so on...
Beliefs can be very hard to change. Deeply held beliefs are called core beliefs or schemas. They are learned very early and are very resistant to change. Maybe we learned early in our childhood to be afraid of the unknown. Maybe we made mistakes early in life and learned that it is better to give up than to keep trying until we succeed. These beliefs can be so powerful that they can shape our fundamental beliefs about ourselves, the world, or the future.
The good news is that we can change our beliefs. It takes practice, but we can change the way we look at ourselves, others, and the world. Ask yourself - what am I telling myself? Why do I think that way? Is that the only way of looking at the situation?
The goal is not to put on rose-colored glasses on everything. Somethings things won't work out. But at the same time, if we learn how to look at things in different ways, then sometimes we find positive things in places where we didn't expect or difficult/painful things that need to be acknowledged before we can truly grow as a person. Being open to other explanations gives us the courage to keep trying and sometimes we surprise ourselves.
If you look at your successes as attributed to chance or good luck, then you won't believe that your hard work was the reason for your accomplishments. If you look at your mistakes as proof that things will never work out, then you are less likely to try again and again until you succeed. If you believe that your mistakes are signs that you are a failure, then you will probably feel like every future mistake is another indication that something is wrong with you or your life. Negative beliefs can perpetuate more negative beliefs, and so on...
Beliefs can be very hard to change. Deeply held beliefs are called core beliefs or schemas. They are learned very early and are very resistant to change. Maybe we learned early in our childhood to be afraid of the unknown. Maybe we made mistakes early in life and learned that it is better to give up than to keep trying until we succeed. These beliefs can be so powerful that they can shape our fundamental beliefs about ourselves, the world, or the future.
The good news is that we can change our beliefs. It takes practice, but we can change the way we look at ourselves, others, and the world. Ask yourself - what am I telling myself? Why do I think that way? Is that the only way of looking at the situation?
The goal is not to put on rose-colored glasses on everything. Somethings things won't work out. But at the same time, if we learn how to look at things in different ways, then sometimes we find positive things in places where we didn't expect or difficult/painful things that need to be acknowledged before we can truly grow as a person. Being open to other explanations gives us the courage to keep trying and sometimes we surprise ourselves.
What are ways that therapy for anxiety or stress can help me?
- Reduce physical symptoms of anxiety
- Reduce agitation about thinking and feeling
- Reduce time spent worrying (to under 30 minutes/day)
- Reduce negative automatic thoughts
- Practice acceptance of things outside of your control
- Learn how to feel safe during anxiety attack
- Challenge assumptions about the positive value of worry
- Learn how to tolerate uncertainty
- Distinguish between productive and unproductive worry
- Overcome your fear of failure
- Use your emotions to your advantage, rather than worrying about them
- Learn how to effectively problem solve a stressful situation
Start your journey towards good emotional and mental health today. Call (858) 228-7701 or click Contact Dr. Sage for a Free, No-Risk Telephone Consultation.